Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Roxanne Review

Edmund Rostand’s Cyrano de Bergerac ranks among the most eloquent and powerful, as its moving storyline and inimitable characters yield a truly timeless love story. There have been many cinematic interpretations of this great piece, one of which is Roxanne, directed by Fred Schepisi. The film transports the script from the glamorous 17th century City of Love to the equally magnificent town of Nelson, British Columbia during the present day. The characters remain fairly unchanged, quirky and original, through a changed wardrobe, setting and century. Steve Martin portrays an epically proportioned Cyrano, now a firefighter chief, Daryl Hannah plays the smart and sexy Roxanne, and Rick Rossovich, rounds out the trio as Chris.

I really enjoyed this remake of the age old love story, mainly because of the increased amount of comedy throughout the play. The combination of Steve Martin’s comedic wit along with an already funny script result in a fairly entertaining piece. The verbal jousting scene and the antics in the firehouse are two such examples. Hannah and Rossovich also deliver convincing performances, as well as the other supporting actors and actresses who provide a solid foundation from which the movie is built upon.

Another aspect of the film that I enjoyed was the changes made to the storyline. The most important of which is the alternate ending. Roxanne and Charlie end up together, while Chris runs off with a bartender who possesses enough masculine characteristics to accommodate for Chris’s social interaction prerequisites. Even though these changes “Hollywood” the plot, they wrap up the loose ends of the original story in a less tragic fashion, which is easier for the audience to swallow.

The balcony scene was also well done, as the back and forth dynamics between Christian and Roxanne, and Charlie and Roxanne were truly eloquent. The magic of the original scene was retained, while the old English was transformed into 20th century banter. The mention of the July 85 Playmate would surely make Rostand proud.

Overall, I think that Roxanne is a fantastic interpretation of Cyrano de Bergerac. The combination of the comedic flair, a concrete story line and strong players resulted in a piece of work which will ensure that this timeless love story has a place in pop culture for years to come.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Christian or Cyrano?

Perhaps the most pressing and prominent issue examined in the play is the differentiation between physical and metaphysical beauty. Dissecting the intricacies between Christian and Cyrano’s respective situations can be tackled many different ways. One valid perspective is that the story is simply a fictional tale, and only events occurring in the story are taken into account. Another perspective is that the play is actually examining the nature of love as a whole, comparing beauty against brains, using the characters in the story.

Judging purely from events occurring in the story, I would choose Christian’s situation over Cyrano’s. My opinion is based on the characteristics of each player. Sure Cyrano is smart and witty, but he is also very proud and abides by strong moral principles, which in the end, hinders him from experiencing love to its utmost potential. Christian on the other hand, is handsome, but possesses the poetic dexterity of a doorknob. Perhaps the main reason I would choose Christian’s situation over Cyrano’s is fact that Christian made much better use of his allotted time with Roxanne compared to Cyrano. During his short encounters, he was able (with much help from Cyrano) to kiss and marry his beloved Roxanne. Cyrano on the other hand, endures a lifetime of withheld emotion, acting as Roxanne’s dear friend, while he wishes for so much more. The predominant argument against this standpoint would be that Christian is simply to dumb and in cognitive to truly appreciate the romantic situation, and that Cyrano’s love is truer. In reality however, Christian’s love for Roxanne is just as pure as Cyrano’s; they both dearly wish for Roxanne’s happiness and well being. In no way is Christian’s love less pure or passionate. His only short coming is that he lacks the ability to express his emotions and feelings through his words. Overall, I believe that Christian’s situation is favorable, as he truly seized the opportunity to experience Roxanne’s love and tried, to the best of his ability, to reciprocate his feelings and make Roxanne happy as well.

Another was to look at the story is that it is really a satirical analysis of love itself. Rostand does much to distinguish the two protagonists from one another, creating two men that represent opposite extremes of the personality spectrum. By doing this, he compares brains against beauty in a clear manner. In the play, it is Christian’s looks that initially woo Roxanne, but it is Cyrano’s words that truly win her heart. As the play progresses, the status quo between the beauty and the brains begins to shift towards the brains side. For example, Christian almost loses Roxanne when he is unable to serenade her on the balcony. Further more, Roxanne mentions that even if Christian were ugly, she would still love him, because of his magnificent skill of verse. However, if a strong mind is truly valued above a pretty face in real life, as Rostand argues, why don’t girls around the world have posters of Stephen Hawking rather than Rob Pattinson (the Twilight guy…) or some random Abercrombie model? Anyways, through observation of the fictional dynamics in the story, I’d say I would rather walk in Cyrano’s boots, as it is his characteristics and personality that Roxanne is truly inclined to. If only Cyrano had the emotional fortitude to tell Roxanne his true feelings, this satire might have ended on a positive note, rather than tragic and heart wrenching, “I’ll just die in your arms” moment.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Ode to Edward Cullen

Oh Eddy, your dark smoldering eyes,
when I see you, I squeal as if I am ten years old again.
How I wish one day, I could have a man as beautiful as you.
When you caught the apple in your hands, it took me back to the place where I was reading the book.
When I saw you flying through the woods, I just wish I could have been Bella, perched on your back, holding on for dear life.
Oh Edward, if only all men coould be as beautiful as you. I just wish that a boy would write me a lullaby as beautiful as yours.
I love you, and I would like to have your children.
Love Jordan
ps. call me

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Night - Top Fives

Themes


1) The role that self-preservation plays when individuals respond to competing demands

a) When the prisoners are being transferred from Buna to Buchenwald, a small boy strangles his father in an attempt to steals some bread. Both father and son die in the ensuing chaos.

b) A few days before Wiesel Sr. dies, Elie truly feels that he would be better off without his father slowing him down.

c) Rabbi Eliahou’s son purposely tries to lose his father during the fifty mile death marathon between Buna and Gleiwitz, so that his only concern is his own self-preservation.

2) The interplay between fear and foresight when individuals make life altering choices

a) Elie debates whether he should run into the electrical fence, and save himself the pain of Auschwitz, by killing himself. Luckily, the group of men he is with is diverted away from the gas chambers and the furnace at the last second.

b) The man who tries to steal food during the air raid decides that he is willing to risk his well being for extra food. This decision turns out to be fatal, as he is shot before he can consume any of the soup.

c) Elie ignores his father’s dying request, fearing the SS officer’s wrath more that the fate of his father.

3) The effects of adversity on the human spirit

a) The horrors of the concentration camp erode Elie’s will to live, the love for his father and his faith in God.

b) The challenges the prisoners of Auschwitz are faced with force them to follow their basic survival instincts rather than the learned values of a cultured and sophisticated society.

c) Adversity brings out the better qualities of the individuals, such as cooperation, teamwork and brotherhood. For example, the French girl in the camp encourages Elie to persevere and fight when he is beaten and defeated, helping him to survive.

4) The influence of ideals on an individuals behavior

a) During the short stay at Birkenau, the younger men believe that rebelling would be the best option, as they believe in freedom and liberty. Conversely, the more elderly men believe that they should weather out the storm, as sooner or later, liberation and freedom will come. These beliefs are based upon the optimistic views of the Jewish sages to never give up hope and trust in God.

b) Before the ordeal of the concentration camp, Elie has an optimistic view of life, studying the Talmud by day and the Kabbalah by night. Combining both physical and metaphysical philosophy into a balanced worldly view.

c) During his stay in the concentration camp, Elie’s faith in God is eroded. He decides not to fast on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, defying his religion, but preserving his physical strength.

5) The effect that determination has on the approach to the pursuit of a goal

a) At first, Elie is determined to survive by faith and his trust in God. Once these ideals die, he relies on the love of his father. Once his father dies however, Elie relies on the raw power of his instincts to survive.

b) Inversely, when Mr. Stein discovers the real fate of his family, he has no will to live, and thus, he quickly perishes and succumbs to his hellish environment.

c) Juliek’s passion for his violin expresses itself one last time before he shuffles off his mortal coil. His last worldly act is his chilling concerto that serenades the death camp before he dies. His determination to express his emotion and feelings allows is soul to bid farewell.

Imagery


1) The Father’s Death
The scene in which Elie’s father dies is perhaps the most intense during the entire play. In the memoir, Wiesel Sr. embodies the grounded values of family, faith and security in Elie’s mind, so the death of his father is the death of his ideals. After his father’s death, Elie is motivated to survive by only raw physical determination. Wiesel writes with impeccable tact, using the cries of his father to express the pain and devastation of his own soul. With each utterance of the dying request, the reader is painted a painfully vivid image of Elie lying awake in his bed, wishing that his father would fall silent, so as not to arouse the rage of the SS. He remains motionless, the fear of physical punishment overpowering the learned principles and ideals of a lifetime. Elie’s heart and soul follows its fatal decrescendo in the frigid night.

2) The first night in the Concentration camp
Wiesel’s description of the first night at Auschwitz is very moving. He uses the repetition of the word ‘never’ to emphasize the extreme emotions he was confronted with. With each reiteration of the word, the reader feels how alone, helpless and heartbroken Elie is. I think that the main cause of his suffering was the shock he experienced when he witnessed the disparity between his loving family life and the new living hell. Within twenty four hours, his family is divided, his mother and sisters killed and his life destroyed. The first night in Auschwitz is the most accurate experience of death the living can endure.

3) The Final Scene
Once Elie is liberated from the concentration camp, he falls ill for weeks, slipping close to death. After he recovers, he walks to a mirror and observes the reflected picture. His soulless eyes stare back at him. The final sentence summarizes the effects the horrors of Auschwitz have on the human body, mind and soul. Like a crepe without its filling, Elie is an empty shell, surviving purely at the physical echelon. He has lost his entire family, his body has been beaten and ravaged bare and his faith is all but gone. Perhaps an even more chilling memoir is that of the weeks following the liberation and war end.

4) The Death of the Pipel
The death of the small boy is truly a horrific act. Even among the other vile and horrendous acts, it stands out as a hell within a hell; the epitome of all evil. The most heart wrenching aspect of the ordeal is the thought that the boy had to suffer for half an hour, staring at the divide between life and death. It is ironic that the innocent soul among the damned suffers the most.

5) Train Ride from Gliewitz to Buchenwald
Of all the scenes, the horrific train ride between the work camps is the most detailed account. After the fifty mile run the prisoners are forced to participate, they are crammed into frigid cattle cars, travelling through the dead Polish winter. There is no food, no shelter and no camaraderie; only an icy wind that chills through the bone, and the imminent threat of death. Accounts of patricide, homicide and genocide, often recur during the transport, as families, individuals and communities fight for survival. The fight is lost, as the survival rate of the train ride is a mere ten percent.

Motifs


1) Night
The most apparent motif in the memoir is the idea of night. The darkness represents evil, isolation and death. Under the cover of night, Elie participates and experiences the darkest and most horrendous acts, such as the arrival at Auschwitz, the death run, and the train ride. For Elie, each night is a battle, a fight to see a new dawn.

2) Fire
Fire and the furnaces represent death in the book. While Elie is travelling to the concentration camp, a woman on the train prophesizes of the flames of Birkenau. Upon their arrival, the Jews realized that the visions were true, as a omniscient chimney releases the charred reminisce of the deceased prisoners. Elie uses the fires as the embodiment of the Auschwitz hell that destroys his family, faith and soul.

3) Religion
The idea of religion is examined in detail throughout the memoir. At the start of the book, Elie is optimistic, citing his faith as the predominant driving force for his enthusiasm towards living. However, once he witnesses the horrors of the concentration camp, the death of his faith causes a number of negative consequences. In contradiction to other works, Wiesel’s real life experiences shape his faith, rather than the conventional reciprocal scenario in which faith influences real life.

4) Tradition
Overall, the goal of Nazi Germany was to exterminate the Jewish faith and community from the face of the earth. They go about doing this by disrupting the traditions and learned customs of the society. Each culture survives due to the unanimous beliefs and values of the people. The concentration camps and the genocide disrupt these ideals. During their time in Auschwitz, the Jews debate whether or not to observe important holidays and events, either for reasons of physical health or genuine impracticality given the situation. The death of tradition embodies the death of the individual, and inversely, the death of the individual represents the death of tradition.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Pianist - Top Fives

Themes

1) Pursuit of an Ideal

a) Hosenfeld is guided by his principles and ideals, choosing to help Szpilman rather than kill him or turn him in.

b) The Szpilman brothers do not join the ranks of the Jewish Police, as they disagree with the act of beating and manipulating their fellow Jews. Even though a better quality of life could be theirs through their cooperation, they choose not to join, abiding to their own ideals.

c) The Jews of the ghetto rebel against their Nazi oppressors in the name of freedom, and faith. They die honorably in the name of their ideals.

2) Perseverance

a) During his stay at the second safe house, Szpilman falls ill. He perseveres through this challenge and is able to survive to see his liberation.

b) The Szpilman family survives two years in the Warsaw ghetto amid the chaos, corruption and death that surrounds them.

c) During the last few months of the war, Szpilman weathers the cold Polish winter in the attic of an abandoned building to see the end of the war and his freedom.

3) Personal Resourcefulness

a) Szpilman thinks of hiding the family’s savings in the violin, where the Nazis won’t be able to find it.

b) Prior to leaving the ghetto, Szpilman makes sure he has a safe place to stay once he is out. He asks his friend to contact a source outside the ghetto who can offer him safety.

c) When running from the Nazis, he plays dead in the middle of the street, effectively avoiding detection.

4) Isolation

a) Szpilman is forced to reside in apartments alone for long periods of time. He cannot make any noise and is in a constant state of hunger.

b) Once Szpilman leaves the hospital and crawls over the wall back into the ghetto, he is met by a dead and barren landscape, and is forced to survive in a dead environment.

c) After his family is taken away, Szpilman walks through the deserted ghetto and courtyard, surrounded by dead bodies and the belongings of the living dead.

5) Ruling Passions

a) In the opening scene, Szpilman continues to play the piano, even though the station is being bombed and his coworkers are urging him to stop.

b) During his time in isolation, Szpilman practices the piano by playing an imaginary keyboard. He uses his passion for music to combat his boredom and loneliness.

c) After the war, his passion for music undoubtedly helped him to continue living without his family and the comforts of his previous life.

Scenes

1) The Caramel
During their time in the ghetto courtyard, the Szpilmans pool their money together to buy a small caramel. The caramel is then split into six miniscule pieces, and shared among the family. I think this scene is important, as it is the last family activity the Szpilmans enjoy. The atmosphere of the scene is one of sadness and helplessness, as each character knows that their end is near.

2) Man Eating Food off the Ground
While Wladyslaw tries to find his brother at the police station, he witnesses an old man attempt to steal the food of an old woman. The two opponents fight over the small can of food, which eventually ends up on the ground. The man immediately falls and starts eating the food directly off the road. The woman, in a state of raw anguish, walks away sobbing. None of the bystanders make an effort to help, as this act has become a common occurrence in the ghetto. I think this scene is important as it illustrates the level to which their society has stooped…from fine art and business to the very basic human instincts of survival.

3) The Executions
This scene occurs after the masses are deported. Only the able bodied men remain to do the Nazi’s dirty work. Before the workers are sent to their quarters, a few of the men are randomly selected and are ordered to lie down on the pavement. They are then systematically executed. They last man death is prolonged, as the German soldier has to reload his gun. Amid the obvious wrongs being committed in this scenario, the most disturbing thoughts are those of the last man. What is he thinking while the German reloads? Perhaps he is thinking of running, attempting to escape death. Perhaps he is frozen with fear. Perhaps, he is simply yearning for the German to hurry up, and release him from this hell.

4) “Food is more important than Time”
While Szpilman is in the second safe house, he gives his watch to his caretaker, so that he may sell it to purchase food. This scene demonstrates the slow erosion of complex human characteristics to the basic instincts. Szpilman no longer cares for time and his valuable possessions, only his hunger.

5) Seeing the Outside World
After most of the Polish Jews are deported from the ghetto, only the workers remain. Szpilman is one of these workers. Their job is to dismantle a part of the wall that separates the ghetto from the outside world. The dynamics of the scene are excellent. The monochromatic grays of the ghetto are replaced by a full pallet of colour. The dirty clothes of the Jews are met by the prim and proper wardrobes of the market goers. All of this contradiction illustrates the level of disparity existing between the Jews and the rest of the population.

Motifs

1) The Wall
The most prominent motif in the movie is the idea of the wall and the similarities and differences of its opposing sides. The most obvious example of this is the giant brick wall separating the ghetto from the rest of Warsaw. Inside the ghetto, conditions are ghastly. Desperation, poverty and death run rampant. Nazis venture into the ghetto to randomly murder Jews, instilling a powerful sense of fear which controls the people. On the other side of the wall however, the characteristics of normal society are still present. People walk through a bustling market, purchasing the ingredients for their next meal. The ideas of isolation and segregation are greatly reinforced, literally and figuratively, by the wall.
Although the main purpose of the wall is to maintain a social gradient between the two communities, Szpilman discovers that he is subject to similar conditions, regardless of his location. Discrimination, hunger and fear follow him out of the ghetto and into the real world, where he is constantly running from the Nazis. For example, the woman in the adjacent apartment tries to catch him when he leaves the first safe house, exclaiming “Jew, Jew!” as he runs down the stairs. Szpilman is constantly hungry outside the ghetto, often more so than when he was inside the confines of the wall. He is also constantly fearful of his life, even contemplating suicide when the Nazis enter his apartment building.

2) The Star
The Star of David also acts as a device that segregates the Jewish community from the rest of society. The armband that the Jews have to wear brands them inferior to the rest of the population and subjects them to harsh discrimination. For example, Nazi officers openly mock and humiliate Wladyslaw’s father, forcing him to walk in the gutter while everyone else walks on the street. The non-Jewish bystanders do nothing to help, either out of fear of repercussion or pure apathy.

3) The Piano
In an abstract way, I think that the piano represents hope in the movie. At the start of the movie, Szpilman plays passionately, continuing to play even as the very building he resides in is being bombed, signifying strong hope. After a few months of occupation, the Szpilmans are forced to sell their piano, perhaps signifying the deterioration of their hopes of safety and security. The next example occurs after Szpilman has escaped the ghetto, where he pretends to play in the apartment. This action again represents Szpilman’s dwindling hope for his well being. In the hospital, he pretends to practice in a weary and unenthused fashion, reflecting his perspective of his current situation. When Szpilman meets Hosenfeld, he plays gingerly at first, but then becomes more involved and plays with increased passion, illustrating and foreshadowing his fate. Finally, after the war, Szpilman is shown playing in the studio and in concert with conviction and enthusiasm, signifying the restoration of his hope and ideals.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Best

Here's a list of some of the best literary works ever.

Books:
1984 - George Orwell
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
Airborn - Kenneth Oppel
A Wrinkle in Time - Madeleine L'Engle
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
Vengance - George Jonas
Harry Potter - J.K. Rowlings
The English Patient - Michael Ondaatje
The Polar Express - Chris Van Allsburg
Einstein's Dreams - Allan Lightman

Short Stories:
The Child's Story - Charles Dickens
The Cask of Amontillaldo - Edgar Allan Poe

Poems:
If - Rudyard Kipling
In Flanders Fields - John McCrae
The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost
She Walks in Beauty - Lord Byron

Comics:
Calvin and Hobbes - Bill Watterson
xkcd - Randall Munroe

Each piece is different and unique in its own respect, some incredibly entertaining (Harry Potter and Airborn) and others more mundane (the middle part of 1984) and serious. The one characteristic that all of the works share however is their ability to provoke thought. I think that if a book fails to engage your brain after its words are spent, its really not worth reading. I want my literary adventures to stay with me for a lifetime.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Time Wasting Questionaire for my Blog.

Can you fill this out without lying?
I'll try.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
My pregame CocaCola

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
Not that I know of.

Where was your profile picture taken?
Cinnabar Island...on vacay.

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 20?
Jeffery Elzinga

Can you play guitar hero?
I am a guitar hero.

Name someone that made you laugh today?
Canaan, cause hes a tool and loves boy bands.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
1:30 finishing my Hamlet essay for Ms. Parker.

If you could move somewhere else, where would it be?
Pallet Town

Ever been kissed under fireworks?
No but that would be pretty intense.

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Johnathan Leier

Do you prefer to call or text?
Text.

How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
Diet anything is poopy.

Last profile you looked at on facebook?
Derek.

When was the last time you cried really hard?
When my squirtle fainted.

Where is your biological father right now?
Somewhere in the demilitarized zone of Somalia.

Where are you at right now?
Computer lab in room 112.

What bed(s) did you sleep in last night?
John's sister's, after I was done my essay.

What was the last thing someone bought for you?
Bailey, a bag of Doritos.

Was yesterday better than today?
No, today is pretty fun.

Can you live a day without TV?
Sure, I'll just PVR Grey's Anatomy tonight.

What are you listening to?
Katy Perry, Hot N Cold.

Are you mad about anything?
Nathan owes me 5 bucks, cause he bet me that Kipper didn't have a shut out last season.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
No, abolish marriage.

Last time you spent the night at someone's house?
Liam's...last last friday...good night...ish :)

When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
When my car parts didnt come in last Friday.

Where do you wish you were right now?
Further away from Bailey.

What should you be doing right now?
BLOGGING!!!one for my BLOGGGGGG.

Is anything bothering you right now?
Kelsey needs to go buy some strobe lights for our gym class project.

Are you a bad influence?
No. Of course not.

Night out or night in?
Out.

Are you more of an individual or an outgoing person?
Outgoing...says Bailey.

Last hug?
From Bailey, after reading the question.

How do you feel about your life right now?
Awesome!

Do you hate anyone?
Dim sum ladies.

Will you have a valentine this year?
I hope so...

Anyone upset you lately?
Not really.

How's your heart?
In decent cardivascular condition?

Does it bother you when you text somebody and they never answer?
A little part of me dies each time.

Who are your last 3 texts from?
Bailey, Alli and Jeffy.

Who is your last missed call?
My mother.

What time did you wake up today?
8:30

Have you ever been caught in a lie?
Yeah.

Is there anybody that you trust 100%?
Hell no, every man for himself. lol, but for cereals, theres a couple people that I know are 100% legit.

Are you satisfied with your life right now?
Ummm, I'm sure I could make it better...Studying for my Chem test?

What did you do last night?
Football pracky, then sleep, then essay.

Does love scare you?
Love=HOSTEL...so yes...

What is something that you have forgiven someone for lately?
I forgave stupid Darren for stepping on my wrist during practice yesterday.

What mood are you in?
Rushed, there's only 10 minutes left in English!!!

Plans for tomorrow?
FRESHTIVALLLLLLLLLLLL

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
Aritzia.

Who was the last person that left you a comment?
No idea.

What is your background on your phone?
Nissan GT-R

What would you do if you won the lottery?
Buy a double double.

Online and long distance relationships work?
Yeah, but you have to be super committed.

Would you ever get a navel piercing?
Probs not.

Do you like to spend time with people?
In between Guitar Hero songs i guess.

Single or taken?
Single!!

Do you like it?
yuppers :)

Have you ever talked about marriage with someone?
All the time, great convo starter.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Yeah.

Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt?
I ate that someone's cooking. My blood hurt for a week.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Yeha.

Honestly, do you like anyone?
No, i hate people in general.

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
Yup.

Last time you laughed?
August of 95.

Do you regret anything from your past?
Yessss. A ton of things.

Do you bump into someone's arm if you want to hold their hand?
No, but sick strat.

Last beverage?
Pop

Last nap?
Yesterday

Favorite month(s)?
July is fun

Favorite number(s)?
42

Would your parents be mad if you got pregnant today?
No, they want me to have a kid. That would be sick. I would teach it to train the best Pokemon.

Favorite colour(s)?
Red and black, I used to really like green.

Excited for anything?
Sometime in the near future, I'm going to put some stuff on my car.

Last time you were confused?
Whenever I hear Kelsey attempt to communicate with others.

Do you like to cuddle?
Hellz yes, me and Pikatchu are tighhhhhhhtt.

Do you want a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Yeah, I think that would be fun.

How many texts are in your inbox?
64

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
I don't think so.

Do you cry easily?
No, a super awesome good sad movie is tough though.

Where is your phone?
Beside me, giving me cancer.

Are you mad at someone right now?
Not really.

What makes you laugh no matter what?
XKCD